General

If you’ve only been seeking happiness, you’re likely to end up miserable. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out…

We are all spiritual beings living an earthly experience. Most of us can relate more or less to this concept. Even though not everyone believes in an afterlife or multiple lifetimes, most would agree that no one escapes hardships in their life or challenges they must overcome, to find some sort of a sense of peace. We all experience pain to varying degrees as well. But what if that was the whole point?

If you take a good hard look at your life, putting extreme tragedies and unique situations aside, you will most likely see recurrent emotional themes showing up for you in various situations. These challenges that seem to always show up for us are believed to be put on our paths on purpose, to help us progressively learn new levels of mastery, so we can minimize long-term suffering. I am by no means saying this is easy. In fact, it can even be our personal hell, so to speak. But if we continue to perceive these lessons as simply unlucky roadblocks instead of set opportunities for growth, we might be missing the point.

What if we started seeing the value in ALL our life experiences, as opposed to only the ones that bring us joy? Joy is an emotion, and like all emotions, it is fleeting. Learning self-mastery, on the other hand, leads to a more sustainable state, better coping skills for navigating the ups and downs of life, and eventually, a more peaceful existence.

We are living in a time when the whole self-help and well-being movement is gaining popularity. Done well, it can really be beneficial in teaching people how to develop emotional agility, however, there is such a thing as toxic positivity.

Toxic positivity can be described as an imposed false sense of happiness, usually attained by mindlessly adopting a “good vibes” only approach to difficult situations, instead of addressing challenges properly. It can lead to bottling-up true feelings, somatizing emotions, passive-aggression, strained relationships, and so much more.  It is quite shocking to see how many professional coaches and spiritual counsellors subscribe to this way of dealing with things. All it serves to do is to confuse us, leave us bitter, and most of all, on an obsessive search for the unattainable, forever-lasting, state of happiness. The result is actual misery.

I choose a different path. Despite it sounding less enticing, the moments of joy I do experience are quite euphoric, as they are authentic. Valuing ALL life experiences also seems to bring on an easier ability to be grateful for the little things, even in the midst of living difficult situations.

I happen to believe in reincarnation. I believe that we will enter our next lifetime with the same challenges if we fail to get a handle on the ones that are present for us in this lifetime. Um, no thank you! I will do my best to deal with things properly now.  Part of the journey toward mastery is consciously looking at your “stuff”. I have a very specific way of doing that.

If you know me well, you probably guessed it has something to do with horses (and yoga of course). Spending time with horses allows me to listen to my higher self, which I achieve by co-regulating with the horse. It is THE most efficient way I have discovered to find that calm state of mind I so desperately need. By finding stillness, I can better process my difficulties, and allow the space and time to find healthy ways to cope.

I have also started teaching this to my children, now that they are entering their teenage years. When they come home from school with something troubling on their minds and in their hearts, I often will send them to the paddocks before engaging them in some problem-solving. That initial step of getting grounded with the horses really helps with clarity and shifting perception.

We are all different. We all have different beliefs. I would love to teach you and your child what I know if you are intrigued. At the very least, you will spend a lovely afternoon in the company of 4 gorgeous animals, and a quirky entertaining lady, and enjoy a cup of tea in the sunshine!

I’m only a phone call away! Let’s start living full-heartedly! It’s so rewarding xo

The picture in this post is of my spitfire daughter Simone with our endearing, yet mischievous little pony Chance. These 2 characters are nothing less than 2 peas in a pod, both cut from the same cloth, and a true match made in heaven.  Although my other 2 horses are warmly related to all of us, Chance and Simone understand each other as no one else can, and their bond is quite special. Her ability to work with him, despite having less horsemanship knowledge and experience than me, surpasses my skills. Chance would move mountains for his Simone, and it’s simply because she is a “what you see is what you get” kinda kid!

Why horses are attracted to kids.

It is not uncommon to witness horses softening around children. At the very least, they become more attentive to their presence. For these reasons, equine-related interventions have the potential to be quite powerful for children because the relationship starts off in a straightforward manner, even if the child is sensitive or emotional. God knows my daughter Simone can be both of those things, (even when she is directly interacting with our pony and hasn’t quite managed to regulate herself).  

Here’s what I know:

Children ARE their feelings. By this, I mean that their behaviours are always congruent with their feelings. Until a certain age, they are incapable of anything else actually. Since horses are prey animals, they are experts in reading body language, picking up on intention, and sensing underlying emotions. When a person’s behaviour directly matches what the horse has already assessed as being true (according to their own instinctual analysis), the horse can be confident that they know what they are dealing with, and therefore trust the situation. Horses only feel insecure or apprehensive when a person tries to mask or suppress their feelings and displays body language that doesn’t match what the horse has already picked up on. Before the teen years, most children are still operating at a concrete emotional level, and therefore, have not yet adopted the maladaptive way of coping by bottling up everything to the point of experiencing dis-ease (like we do as adults).

Children have healthy auric fields. Horses can feel energy just like any other being. According to some spiritual teachings, children still have one foot in the etheric realm when they are born, up until the age of 7-10 years of age. Their auras are still quite large, bright, and pure. Just like you can be attracted to that one friend with positive energy and contagious smile, but repulsed by the person with the bad vibes at the grocery store, horses can react exactly the same way to humans. They are more likely to gravitate and interact willingly with people surrounded by healthy auric fields! Unfortunately, as we go through life and experience a variety of challenges, our auric fields change. Horses see children for who they truly are in a very clear way.  

In my equine-assisted sessions addressing social-emotional skills, I always let the horse pick the child. The reason for this is to allow for a matching of energy and personalities to occur. This assures an equal relationship will form, and therefore we can address our learning goals together.

How horses teach skills in the present time.

If you think about what every parent wants for their child, it is 1) to be happy in their own skin, 2) to be able to adjust to the ups and downs of life, and 3) to navigate relationships in order to experience the joys of receiving (and giving love). There are many ways to teach these things to your child, but let’s just say that I am glad that my horses are helping me with my parenting.

Here’s what they teach:

You have to be brave to interact with horses. Horses are huge animals that always instill a certain feeling of wonderment. In order to have a successful experience, you need to make the horse feel secure by showing that you are a good herd leader. This can feel daunting initially because the horse will purposely test this authority for its own sense of safety. The horse needs to know that the person is worthy of being its leader or it will step in and be the leader for that person.  Children quickly learn how to be in their power by developing true confidence in the safety of a relationship with a specific horse over time.

My Simone can be quite bossy at times (don’t tell her I told you-I will deny it). This does not fly well with Chance. He puts her right back in her place when she is in such a state. Simone is truly learning the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. This is a skill I am glad Chance is teaching her directly because she is way more forgiving of his sweet face than mine!

Adaptability is required to get a horse to follow your instructions. As previously explained, horses will respond to even the most subtle cues and energy you are putting out. Sometimes, very minor adjustments are required to fine-tune how you think you are coming across to the horse, because although it’s almost perfect, it may not be quite right just yet. This ability to slightly adjust and adapt can make all the difference in getting the horse to cooperate. The child learns over time how to self-regulate and temper all sorts of emotions (from frustration to over-excitement). The child also begins to increase awareness around how their most subtle body language can affect relationships.

Horses teach physical boundaries and provide healthy affection.  When Simone is feeling left out by her peers at school, or sad about not performing well on a test, I send her out to the paddocks. No one can comfort her the way Chance can, despite my efforts to say all the right things. I’ve taught her to tell him how she is feeling (straight-up) so he “knows” how to help her, and it always works! One snuggle in his bushy mane and new perspectives are always gained!

Horses can definitely provide physical affection once they feel comfortable, but they can also teach how to respect their personal space, as they do not respond well if they feel remotely crowded. For the child who’s heard the teacher say a million times not to get so close to their classmates, or to please ask before giving a friendly hug, horses provide a very hands-on way to learn this skill. They will avoid interactions with the child until the child receives permission from the horse to get closer.

What else can I say? HORSES ROCK!

I hope this has been informative! I have officially added working with children with the help of horses to my scope of practice! It is now up on my website!

The best part is that it is affordable and can be partly covered if your child has FSCD funding! Check it out to see if your child is a good fit and book your sessions today!

https://mariannedisipio.com/equine-assisted-social-emotional-therapy-for-children/

My husband and I recently had dinner with friends we had not seen for a while. They commented on how youthful we seemed, how positive we were, and how lovely our life had truly become. I reflected deeply on this (as it had touched me), and realized just how hard I had worked to create this life. And I mean hard! It took a very conscious effort to find the just-right balance when choosing a lifestyle that would be able to fuel my soul and support my ability to live wholeheartedly in all my roles. Including my role as a mother of a child with special needs, which as you all know, offers it’s challenges emotionally.  

I’ve been on a seeking journey ever since I woke up to the fact that I was burning out. In yoga, it would be referred to as a path of Jnana (self-inquiry). My life is definitely not for everyone, but I think perhaps I’m on to something here…. 

Rule#1: Love fiercely

I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, so this comes quite naturally to me. I love with my heart and soul. I reach out, extend myself, and I help when I can. I am fiercely loyal to my people and deeply value communication.

Where loving fiercely has been most helpful for me is perhaps within my own marriage. As we know, raising kids, let alone a child with special needs, brings out all your differences and certainly tests your marriage. I fight for us even when my instinct is to retreat because I think it comes easier for me and I feel that it is perhaps part of my soul contract. In fact, we both play important roles in helping each other grow, and my husband has taught me some of my most important life lessons. One of them is to allow love. 

Rule #2: Allow yourself to be vulnerable

I can honestly say that I consider myself one of the bravest people I know. I have never shied away from trying to reach a goal. I still experience fear like everyone else, but I accept that fear is part of it and refuse to let it stop me. As my Italian Nonna used to say, “if you no try, you no get”. Besides, you can always get back up and dust yourself off if you fall (and I have fallen a few times).

Working through your fears requires you to be very brave, and to be brave, you have no other choice then to accept that you will be vulnerable. If you can’t master this, you aren’t really living.  (I recommend reading Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability for inspiration). 

Rule #3: Adopt an attitude of contentment

I believe strongly that we have the power to alter our moods by what thoughts we allow to have floating around in our heads. Just like we can choose what to eat and put in our bodies, (to a certain extent), we can also choose what we put in our heads. 

I used to find some of those motivational coaches on social media so cheesy (and trust me, some of them really are selling cheap drugstore psychology). But if you find the right mentors or gurus, it can really teach you how to turn unhelpful thoughts into realistic thoughts. I aim for realistic, and not false hope. This is so important for moms of children with special needs because our realities can be unchangeable. 

I try to wake up every morning by making the choice to be grateful (or at least open-minded) for my life and the experiences I will encounter. I won’t lie…it is no small feat! I have come to realize that if I see the challenges as learning experiences for my soul’s ascension, I can be appreciative. What I mean by this is that I believe that if one master’s challenges in this lifetime, the soul no longer needs to learn it in the next lifetime. Who the heck wants to come back and go through the same stuff!? I don’t know about you, but I am mastering this shit now!! But seriously, the alternative is unbearable for me and leads me into a downward spiral.

Like anything, it takes practice to adopt an attitude of contentment. But the rewards are truly practical for moms living through tough things.   

Rule #4: Consider eating a primarily plant-based diet

I choose to eat a plant-based diet out of my deep love and respect for all animals. I am happy to see that our Canadian Food Guide is now supporting eating more plant-based foods for health reasons as well, but that is just a bonus for me. Having 3 horses here at home has increased my awareness of the purpose of animals, respect for all life, and my appreciation for natural and simple living, and awakened me to a “do no harm” lifestyle. Did I love the taste of meat before? More than all of you put together!! I’m Italian for Pete’s sake, so no judgment here! But now, animals are no longer ingredients for me. They are my soul mates and I support them in living a full happy life. 

It might sound crazy, but eating a primarily plant-based diet has had an amazingly positive trickling effect in all areas of my life, including my family. We all have grown from it by talking about our values and who we want to be in this world. Even though I am in excellent shape now, have nicer skin, and my iron levels have actually gone up (for real), I actually choose to do it because I personally feel that the time has now come for people to make a shift in consciousness and reach new levels of spirituality connecting us to all life! This gives this momma of a child with special needs so much joy and strength! 

Rule #5: Create your own “coven” of soulful and wise confidants

This has become such an important priority in my life. As we get older, studies show that our social circle diminishes for a variety of reasons. Finding and maintaining true connections with people when you are a busy mom of a child with special needs is even harder. I have chosen to invest my energy in choosing soulful friends who share the same energetic vibration as me, as well as similar life values. We are all a little kooky, perhaps even square, but we truly believe in magical things.  I don’t have many friends, but those I do have are 24k gold (as Bruno Mars would say), and have become my chosen family. Their love, acceptance, and support are priceless in my life. I wish this for all moms of children with special needs. 

Rule #6: Engage regularly in activities that invoke passion

In my free time, I only commit to things that make me feel joyfully alive because there’s a big chunk of my life that is obligations and responsibilities. Like Drake once said, “everybody dies but not everybody lives”. It took time for me to work through complex feelings of guilt before I could indulge in passionate activities, but I cannot deny how essential it is for me, as a mom of a child with special needs, for keeping up my caregiving stamina. Besides, my time is limited and so very precious. For me, it’s all about getting out of my head, being in the moment, and experiencing a soulful adventure. And yes, horses are high on my list!

Rule#7: Stay disciplined throughout challenging times

I know this to be true of myself, and perhaps you can relate…When life is going smoothly, I do everything right and apply all my self-care strategies. As soon as life becomes a bit more challenging, I have the tendency to put those self-care strategies on the back burner because I feel like I need to frantically make everything better. Well, it bombs and gets me into trouble every time. I know now that even though I might feel like I need to go into a self-preservation mode of rest or break from my self-care activities if I don’t force myself to keep up my healthy soulful routines, I won’t be rested at all, and I then I am the one who might break. 

Rule#8: Practice acts of karma to connect to your divine self

I am a big advocate for using yourself (quirks and all) and your life experience as a therapeutic way to help others. We all have something we can share to offer some sort of insight or help for someone going through something we might have experienced and learned from ourselves. It fills my soul with sheer joy to volunteer or do pro bono work when I feel someone can truly benefit. Especially moms of children with special needs or even the children themselves. 

Honouring all my purposes is honouring my connection to all that is! It doesn’t get more satisfying than that! 

I hope I have planted a seed (or 2) in your soul so you can take only what might serve you at this time in your life, and step into your power. 

As a parent, I understand how your heart breaks a little every time you drop your child off at an appointment for regular therapy they might find difficult or boring. “You have to do this honey”, is what we say as we hand over our deflated and defeated kid. It’s not necessarily that the therapist isn’t fun or competent, it’s that the actual therapy can be challenging stuff or repetitive in nature.

In such circumstances, what we can see happening with our children is a certain level of disengagement. Truthfully, this can become counter-productive and time-consuming. Sometimes we have no choice but to continue on, but in some situations, we do have a choice! Especially when it comes to working on social-emotional skills. There are many different approaches (depending on your child’s profile), and one size does not fit all! 

Just like adults, children commit to working on themselves when what they are doing is meaningful and manages to reach them on a soul level. Children particularly thrive when they are immersed in nature and when they engage in their true occupation of play. When it comes to playing, animals are often a favourite theme, and live ones are even better! Here at the ranch, we have horses and dogs. We even get visits from jackrabbits, foxes, moose, deer, coyotes, falcons, and owls! The magic truly surrounds the child! 

Children also blossom when they feel they are genuinely liked or cared for by the key adults in their lives (including those who are working with them). This has been well-researched. Kids just know, and if your child is anything like mine, that can make all the difference in participation and cooperation. The approach I use in my equine-assisted social-emotional therapy is soulful and strongly relationship-based. It is also rooted in the foundational principle that children require a sense of control over their own process and well-being for true change to occur. 

Another important fact to consider is that children process their experiences through their sensory systems.  Touch in particular is instrumental in the younger years for solidifying social-emotional learning. Even children with tactile sensitivities need safe enjoyable physical contact, and horses can provide that appropriate emotional intimacy, and more importantly, on your child’s terms. When the experience is successful and pleasant, the brain assigns a positive memory to the event, and this sets the stage for positive learning to occur! That’s when I step in to help. 

So if your child has been shying away from working on certain social-emotional skills, putting up a fuss, or even blatantly refusing to participate, maybe try my equine-assisted social-emotional therapy, which I will be adding to my practice officially as of Spring 2020! It is not even up on my website, and I have already started booking! 

What is equine-assisted social-emotional skills strengthening (EASESS) for children?

EASESS is a play-based horse-assisted intervention developed by Marianne Disipio, which consists of working on strengthening social-emotional skills through semi-structured activities with horses on the ground (there is no riding involved). 

Who can benefit?

This intervention is appropriate for children aged 8 years and up who can benefit from working on the following:

• The ability to relate emotionally to others
• Increasing self-awareness and managing intense emotions
• Understanding social-boundaries
• Improving social flexibility
• Learning self-control and building confidence
• Developing assertive communication 
• Building confidence and self-esteem

EASESS is most helpful for children who are sensitive and/or “spirited” souls, enjoy being outside, love animals, and are creative. 

What does a session look like? 

A 30-45 meet and greet play session (or social visit-depending on age) is initially recommended (and included in the service) to help the child establish a certain level of comfort before beginning the intervention. This introduction can occur in the child’s home or at the ranch (or both). 

A regular session is approximately 1 hour in length. It is divided between time spent with the horses and time spent one on one exploring concepts and addressing goals. All of this is done through fun and meaningful ways that don’t feel like therapy to your child at all!

Who knows…you might just see your child have a newfound sense of willingness to step out of their comfort zone, face some fears, and engage in some serious social-emotional self-improvement! Of course, it helps to tell them that there are 3 soft and cuddly horses to love at Marianne’s place. 

For more information on equine-assisted social-emotional therapy for children, and to find out if it would be a good fit for your child, call 403-828-0242 or email at info@mariannedisipio.com

I know how horrible it is to feel like you aren’t doing enough for your child. Us moms are fixers. We should be able to somewhat fix our children too, right?! 

I know the feeling of not having enough hours in a day, of being spread unbelievably thin, and of secretly hoping you catch a cold so you have an excuse to lie down. I’ve had all those feelings, wished for all those things, and the whole experience was extremely deflating. 

If your child with special needs is between 2-8 years old, you are probably in the thick of everything. You have no choice but to attend those medical appointments, assessments, and therapies. I won’t sugarcoat it. You are in the middle of an unavoidable storm, swimming in the turbulent deep ocean waters, barely keeping your head afloat. This might just be the hardest time for moms of children with special needs, so stop beating yourself up. You are not to blame for anything. You are doing enough!  

I wish I knew I was doing enough during those times. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it actually. But I did do it, and I accomplished a heck of a lot! (You would not believe how much I did if I told you). But I drowned at one point, and it probably could have been avoided if only I had gotten a hold of my thoughts. I too believed I was never doing enough. 

I don’t want you to drown. Let me throw you a life jacket, so you can at least catch your breath and listen.

Let me start by repeating that you are doing enough.  Stop for a minute, take a deep breath, and review everything you’ve done so far. Can you acknowledge that you have taken many steps toward helping your child? In theory, on a rational level, can you accept this as the truth? Perhaps you aren’t processing it on an emotional level, (which I totally get when you are in that panicky state of emergency), but if you can separate yourself from those emotions, just for a minute, do you not see it?                                                                         

I’d like to offer you more than a life jacket now. I’d like to give you a small break by inviting you to come to sit in my rescue boat for a bit. It’s just a brief pause, as I know you will have to get back in the waters. 

I am giving you permission to rest because I know how we moms can push ourselves beyond our limits. Do you not see that absolutely anyone thrown into the middle of the deepest part of the ocean, during an unpredictable storm, would undeniably need to rest once in a while? Why can you not see that this also applies to you? Are you not human? Ladies, we are often the ones who put these crazy, unrealistic expectations on ourselves. 

As someone who has survived the storm, I can offer you this advice now because hindsight is always 20/20:

1-There is nothing wrong with you, you are not weak, so stop beating yourself up! You are the strongest of the strongest! You are powerful and effective! Your child could not have picked a better soul for a mom! Any mom and every mom in your position would feel the exact same way. It is how you choose to talk to yourself and handle the unavoidable stress that will determine whether or not you drown.  Try writing these affirmations down and placing them somewhere where you will be able to read them often:

I am doing everything that I can at this time in my life, with my current resources, and all my other responsibilities. There are some things that I can do to help my child and some things that are out of my control. I give myself permission to ask for help and rest properly, as I know that both these things allow me to gather the strength to continue helping my child. 

2-Ask for a life jacket when the winds pick up! You are not alone. Admit to yourself, to your partner, and to your team of professionals, when you need some support. The best way to ask for help is by being extremely specific, stating things matter-of-factly, and staying emotionally neutral. Reach out to a support group! Call that other mom of a child with special needs and empty what’s in your heart. No one expects you to do it all on your own, so stop expecting this of yourself! 

3-Get in the rescue boat sometimes to rest! Why wouldn’t you? Do you have supernatural powers that would allow you to keep up this frantic swimming pace forever? I don’t think so, so why do you expect this of yourself? What you do every day is not only physically demanding but emotionally taxing. It is wise to know when to rest. Don’t wait until you need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Know when to stop when the fatigue starts to settle in. 

Do you even know your fatigue signs and symptoms? Take time to journal them, and share your observations and findings with your partner.  Despite how it may feel at times, your partner also wants what is best for your child (and you). 

4- Do something that makes you feel alive! Are you perhaps unconsciously numbing out the painful feeling of not being able to control your child’s outcome, by forcing yourself to do more and more? God knows I did, but did not know I was doing it at the time. By going overboard, I had no time to think, and no time to feel. When I stopped to rest, I was swept into a vortex of unbearable sadness, and so I forced myself to keep going. But, by numbing out the pain, we numb out the pleasure. It is impossible not to do so, and that just adds to the feeling of being tired on a soul level. 

So how do you address that? When you stop to rest, you make sure to force yourself to also include doing something that makes you feel alive. And when you feel alive, you feel motivated to want more for yourself, and you are in a better state of mind to tackle your complex feelings. 

What makes you feel alive? If you do not know anymore, let me help you! My sessions with the horses are guaranteed to make you feel alive. To get out of this habit, you need to get out of your comfort zone, think out of the box, and get into the arena of life with the horses! 

I have so many tricks in my bag! I know we can help you gather the strength to swim back to shore when the storm is over. This too shall pass. I promise. I am here for you…

www.mariannedisipio.com

info@mariannedisipio.com

403-828-0242